Survey:
Half your life is search for a mate
By
Martha Irvine, Associated Press
Chicago
Jan 9/04 - You could call it a real-life glimpse
at sex and the city.
A
new survey from the University of Chicago found that typical
urban-dwellers spend much of their adult lives unmarried --
dating and single. That has led to an elaborate network of
"markets" in which these adults search for
companionship and sex.
"On
average, half your life is going to be in this single and dating
state, and this is a big change from the 1950s," says
Edward Laumann, the project's lead author and an expert in the
sociology of sexuality.
The
results, released onThursday, are part of the Chicago Health and
Social Life Survey to be published this spring in the book
"The Sexual Organization of the City."
Laumann
and his staff at the university examined how race and sexual
orientation play a role in forming relationships and how
multiple sexual partners and jealousy also work into the
equation.
Among
other things, they found that, between the ages of 18 and 59,
those surveyed cohabited an average of nearly four years and
were married about 18. The rest of the time -- an average of
about 19 years -- they were dating or alone, with no steady
companion.
Researchers
interviewed 2,114 people in the Chicago area from 1995 to 1997,
as well as police officers, clergy and social workers. They also
took an in-depth look at neighborhoods with predominantly black,
Latino and gay populations.
Divorce
was, of course, one of the big reasons so many people were
single. But so was the fact that many young people are putting
off marriage -- sometimes because of school, but also because
many are approaching the institution of marriage more warily.
That's
true for Nikhil Bagadia, a 24-year-old Chicagoan who's been
dating a woman for about four months but wants to take things
slowly.
"I
think a lot of people jump into marriage before they
should," says Bagadia, who's in pharmaceutical sales.
When
looking for a partner, researchers found that people use two
basic markets -- "transactional" and
"relational."
Bagadia
prefers relational encounters, often facilitated by family,
friends or even fellow churchgoers. He met his girlfriend
through some of his college buddies.
Transactional
relationships are relatively uncommitted and often meant to be
short-term. They happen when two people who don't know one
another meet in a bar, health club or other public place.
Laumann
and his colleagues say markets also are often defined by racial
group, neighborhood and sexual orientation.
In
Latino neighborhoods, for instance, family, friends and the
church played a more important role in forming partnerships
among those surveyed. Young, upper-income people on the city's
north side were more likely to meet their partners at school or
work.
Researchers
say the markets also operate differently for men and women.
Women
surveyed were, for instance, less likely to meet a partner
through work, church or other "embedded institutions"
as they got older -- making it more difficult to find someone.
Laumann says that may be due, in part, to the fact that men in
their 40s often sought women who were at least five to eight
years younger.
Many
gay men in the survey focused largely on transactional
relationships, while lesbians were far more interested in
relational connections.
Researchers
also addressed the issues of multiple partners and jealousy.
Overall, 23 percent of men and 31 percent of women said they
experienced jealous conflict at some point during their
relationships.
And
researchers found that cohabitation resulted in more jealousy --
and physical violence -- than it did among married couples.
Men
were more likely than women to have more than one sexual
partner. Among those surveyed, 20 percent of men and 6 percent
of women said they'd had sex with at least one other person
during their most recent relationship.
"What's
going on now is making the sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s
pale in comparison," says Eli Coleman, director of the
Program in Human Sexuality at the University of Minnesota. He
called Laumann's work the most comprehensive since that of
acclaimed researcher Alfred Kinsey, who surveyed people about
sex in the 1940s.
Still,
Laumann and his staff found that social services, the church and
law enforcement have been slow to address this latest sexual
revolution.
For
instance, they found no shelters in any of the studied
communities for gay domestic abuse victims.
And
most churches they examined were not good at "giving
guidance about how you manage a stable, but non-married
relationship," Laumann says.
"It's
not approved. It's not talked about," he says. "Or
they just look the other way."
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