Online Affairs Are The Flavor Of The Season
January 14th, 2010 by The Babe
Remember the time when you had to leave home and hit the bars and clubs to find someone with whom to have a affair. Whether it was a one night stand, a little diversion from your marriage or an attempt to find that special someone, you were required to “make nice” and strut your charms physically.
All that is gone. Now you never have to leave the comfort of your home and online affairs are the ‘flavor of the season’ when it comes to infidelity and extramarital relationships. A recent statistic shows that over 70 million people are actively engaging in online relationships, taking full advantage of the borderless freedom of finding a lover, a date, a spouse in a virtual world.
In a online affair, you can present yourself as you’d rather be, not the way you actually are. You don’t use your real name and you can shave years off your age; you can promote yourself in your job; you can describe interests you only dream about; above all, you can make yourself more interesting.
Somebody pays attention to you. You get to establish an intimacy with someone, by presenting yourself as you probably fantasize yourself to be.
And the pay off? So what makes an affair with an online lover more attractive than a conventional affair?
Somebody pays attention to you. You get to establish an intimacy with someone, by presenting yourself as you probably fantasize yourself to be.
The affair can be had without the risk of running into family members, nosy neighbours, or inquisitive friends. But the real difference today is the convenience, speed and ease with which these affairs can develop. You can spend hours chatting on the net, exchanging sexually explicit mails, and indulging in virtual sex using your webcam. Sometimes this virtual affair can last for months, even years without actually meeting your online lover without having physically met your online lover. Although in the early stages, there’s may be no sex involved, most affairs eventually lead to sexual infidelity through cyber sex or real physical contact.
Technorati Tags: affair, online affairs, infidelity, extramarital relationships, relationships, chatting, virtual sex, infidelity
Adultery Leaves A Trail Of Broken Hearts And Marriages
December 29th, 2009 by The Babe
Adultery was once considered a sin – or at least a secret. Not online. The Internet dating craze is blazing a trail of broken marriages thanks to dozens of sites inviting participants to identify themselves as “not so happily married,” “married but that shouldn’t matter” or even, “married but we swing.”
Studies show some 30 percent of online dating visitors are married – and recent research by the University of Florida reports that what starts out as flirting and cybersex quickly escalates into the real thing.
The Internet became an easy escape for “Barbara,” a 43-year-old married New Yorker who dated about 60 men in three years until she met Steve, who’s also married – but now sneaking around with Barbara. “We see each other once or twice a week,” she says. “We have a lot in common, have a great time together and the sex is phenomenal.”
She says a cold husband sent her surfing for more. “There was no warmth or any physical affection,” she says glumly. She tried cajoling her husband into seeing a marriage counselor, but after only one visit, he refused to return. She didn’t want a divorce because of their 7-year-old daughter, so she posted an ad in one of the adult dating sites online.
“I’m not interested in jeopardizing my marriage or anyone else’s,” she told The Post. “I just wanted to find someone special I could click with.”
Other women interviewed by The Post say they’ve been searching for deeper emotional relationships than their husbands are able to give – but aren’t ready to leave.
“I guess the sex just isn’t what it used to be when we first met,” says Nicole, 28, a married New Yorker.
“I miss the feeling of sex being new and exciting. It’s addicting.”
Addiction is something Chris Samuels, the co-director of a sexual addiction treatment center in Greenwich Village, understands all too well.
She’s treated many married and unmarried patients who’ve gotten caught up in Internet lust.
“Its power is almost trance-inducing,” she says. “You can troll these sites and have a fantasy ready and waiting. Cybersex can provide a quick and powerful high. It’s like crack cocaine to sex addicts.”
Alfred, 49, is a self-described Internet Lothario who says he’s been “swinging” for 23 years.
Before going online, he would post ads in “swinger magazines,” sometimes waiting two to four months to set up a first meeting. Now his desires can be gratified almost instantly by posting ads online.
“While I’m open to a relationship, I’d prefer someone I can meet for no-strings mutual sexual pleasure on a continuing basis,” he says.
Alfred’s new online ads generally attract several interested women (“I’m a seller in a buyer’s market,” he says proudly).
He usually hooks up with married women, but says there are plenty of singles who don’t mind that he’s already spoken for.
Unfortunately, while these spouses are sowing their wild oats, there’s likely to be someone at home who’s getting hurt.
John LaSage, 43, from California, could attest to that – his wife left him and his two teenage daughters to take off with an Internet boyfriend.
The experience led him to create chatcheaters.com – a Web site designed to help dissuade potential cheaters and to comfort those who’ve been hurt by them.
“Chatting is OK, cheating is not,” says LaSage.
“People should realize how quickly relationships can form online. Flirting can lead to real-world affairs.”
If you suspect your spouse of having an online affair, “Bring the issue out into the open,” he says.
“Look out for the warning signs” – like excessive Internet use, new email accounts, turning off the computer when you walk in the room.
“If you just want a sexual hit, you can masturbate a lot quicker than having an affair,” she says.
“But it’s about gratification. They want someone to find them attractive, someone to want them passionately.”
But not every married person who’s gone the online route has found the affair of their dreams.
Wayne, a 49-year-old man from New Jersey, complains that his inbox is usually cluttered with undesirable partners and a fair share of transsexuals and cross-dressers.
But that may be just the ticket for a 34-year-old Lower East Side “Rockerdude” who advertises online that he’s hoping to make sweet music with men, women – and anything in between.
“Yes, I am married, but we have a very liberal, open-minded relationship – so be brave,” he writes.
Technorati Tags: Adultery, Internet dating, adult dating, swinger
Office Christmas Parties Can Reveal Workplace Affairs
December 18th, 2008 by The BabeGo With Him to the Christmas Party
“It’s no secret that the workplace is the #1 place for cheating husbands and boyfriends to find willing females with whom to have extramarital affairs,” says infidelity expert Ruth Houston, founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and author of Is He Cheating on You?- 829 Telltale Signs.
Houston says, “Workplace infidelity is not always easy to detect. Men commonly use job-related excuses to cover up their extramarital affairs. So if you think he might be romantically involved with someone on his job, attending his office Christmas party with him is one of the best chances you’ll get to find out whether or not what you suspect is true.”
A Rare Opportunity
According to Houston, office Christmas parties and other company-sponsored social events give you a rare opportunity to observe your husband or boyfriend in a social setting with the women he works with everyday.
Houston says, “By watching how he interacts with his female co-workers, you’ll be able to tell without a doubt, whether or not he’s involved in a workplace affair. But knowing what to look for is the key.”
Be Alert for Signs of Infidelity
“Keep your eyes and ears open for signs of infidelity,” advises Houston. “You never know what you might see or hear. Depending on how observant you are, you might even be able to figure out exactly which female he’s cheating with. Nine times out of ten, their body language and behavior around each other will give them away.”
But Houston continues to stress that knowing what to look for is the key.
Tip Sheet Tells What to Look For
To find out what to look for, send for Ruth Houston’s FREE tip sheet entitled “What to Look for at the Office Christmas Party if You Suspect a Workplace Affair.” E-mail InfidelityAdvice @ gmail.com with “what to look for-prw” in the subject line.
About Ruth Houston:
Infidelity expert, Ruth Houston is the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and the author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs, which documents practically every known sign of infidelity. Frequently called on by the media to comment on popular infidelity issues and infidelity-related breaking news, Ruth has been quoted in the New York Times, the New York Post, Cosmopolitan, Newsday, the Wall Street Journal, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Toronto Sun, the National Post, the Christian Science Monitor, First for Woman, City Life, iVillage, MSN Lifestyle, LavaLife, Netscape Love and numerous other print and online media worldwide.
Ruth has been a guest on The Today Show, Good Day New York, Ireland’s Late Late Show, 1010WINS, Sirius Satellite Radio, Telemundo, Court TV Radio, Power Talk Radio, BBC, CBC, CNN and over 270 radio and TV talk shows in the United States, Canada, Europe, South America, New Zealand, Australia, and the Caribbean.
Visit www.InfidelityAdvice.com for more information about Ruth Houston, her book, signs of infidelity, cheating men, or extramarital affairs.
Online Cheating Can Get Your Balls Cut Off
March 30th, 2008 by The BabeSo cheaters beware!
Technorati Tags: cheating, Extramarital affairs, Online cheating
Professional Snoops
January 7th, 2007 by The BabeWhile following people around can lead to stalking charges, some legally trail others around – and get paid for it.
Pat Burt runs a private investigation consulting service in Lake Havasu City, for which he charges $75-$80 per hour. Although he specializes in video surveillance, Burt offers services to those suspecting others of marital infidelity, fraudulent claims or sexual harassment.
With a 21-year law enforcement background in Washington state and Alaska, Burt often looks to fill in gaps left after criminal investigations have ceased.
“If the right questions aren’t asked, answers never come out,” he said. “Knowledge is power in my world.”
Since opening his office in Lake Havasu City four months ago, partners suspecting romantic affairs have contacted Burt on four different occasions to see if their significant other was in fact cheating. Burt said they often turn out to be unfounded suspicions.
“People call me because of some marital conflict. They are looking for some edge and are really trying too hard,” he said.
Unlike law enforcement personnel, this local private investigator does not need probable cause to question someone. But he must adhere to laws preventing actions such as trespassing and the wiretapping of phones. Sitting in a parking lot looking into someone’s window is fair game. If you don’t like it, “shut the blinds,” states Burt.
Retired investigator John Von Colln of Lake Havasu City conducted more conventional crime scene investigations. His expertise was in latent fingerprint examinations. Unlike Burt, the former sergeant of San Bernardino Sheriff’s Office said “surveillance is not my cup of tea.”
In his 30 years of law enforcement experience, Von Colln leanred it is quite difficult to follow anyone and stay with them in Los Angeles.
Counties in California would hire Von Colln to either prove or refute claims made against clients charged in major crimes such as homicides, robberies and gang-related activity. Once at the crime scene, Von Colln would “try to put the pieces together” using personal interviews, police reports and fingerprints.
The retired investigator said prints remain on surfaces “for eternity, as long as it’s not dusted or rubbed off.” However, the accumulation of dirt or dust can make the prints of lesser quality over time. To illustrate the near-timeless value of fingerprints, Von Colln told a story about prints being lifted off tombs in ancient Egypt.
One story in particular stays fresh in his mind. During the 1980s, Von Colln learned of a missing 15-month old baby boy from his hometown in New Jersey. Police had found the baby’s mother, but due to her apparent drug use, the woman could not say anything about her son’s whereabouts other than the word: “Sparks.”
Based on information gathered, Von Colln learned that the woman and her baby frequented truck stops across the country. Using little other than a phone book, he was able to locate a man by the name of Sparks – and subsequently the infant – just five days after beginning his search.
“It was the most interesting case I’ve ever worked,” the Havasu retiree said, adding his success in the case involved a lot of luck.
As it turned out, the 15-month old baby boy was staying at a Catholic Church adoption home in Michigan.
Burt seldom does “missing person” searches, due in part to concerns over the possibility of a deranged husband seeking an ex-wife for some form of revenge.
Instead, the private eye spends time on workman’s compensation, loss prevention and insurance claims – three areas of business vulnerable to fraud. Through interviews and surveillance tapes, Burt tries to discern fact from fiction. He also uses Freedom of Information Act requests to gather information when necessary.
“There is so much fraud out there,” Burt observed.
During interviews, he relies on body language and other non-verbal cues.
“Honest people act honestly,” he noted.
If the investigator senses anxiety, he attempts to determine the source of that tension or unease.
Burt received training through the John E. Reid & Associates interviewing and interrogations program, a recognized technique offered by a school in Chicago.
He recalled one instance in his investigations career when the tables were turned on him. Working in Washington, Burt noticed someone following him one day, but never did find out why.
On another occasion, a man approached the vehicle Burt and another investigator were sitting in and asked what they were doing. Burt and his accomplice had been observing a workplace on drug use allegations.
“We just told him we were private investigators observing and told him it didn’t pertain to him,” Burt said.
The nosy onlooker seemed satisfied with the response and went on his way.
Young people interested in becoming investigators should look to join a police or sheriff’s department, Von Colln advises.
“Do backgrounds (checks) or investigations and work your way from there,” he says.
College degrees in criminal justice, including courses in evidence and penal codes, are helpful to have as well, he recommends.
Pat Burt may be contacted at 486-8102.
You may reach the reporter at hays@havasunews.com
http://www.havasunews.com
Signs Of An Online Affair
October 4th, 2006 by The Babe