Adultery Leaves A Trail Of Broken Hearts And Marriages
December 29th, 2009 by The Babe
Adultery was once considered a sin – or at least a secret. Not online. The Internet dating craze is blazing a trail of broken marriages thanks to dozens of sites inviting participants to identify themselves as “not so happily married,” “married but that shouldn’t matter” or even, “married but we swing.”
Studies show some 30 percent of online dating visitors are married – and recent research by the University of Florida reports that what starts out as flirting and cybersex quickly escalates into the real thing.
The Internet became an easy escape for “Barbara,” a 43-year-old married New Yorker who dated about 60 men in three years until she met Steve, who’s also married – but now sneaking around with Barbara. “We see each other once or twice a week,” she says. “We have a lot in common, have a great time together and the sex is phenomenal.”
She says a cold husband sent her surfing for more. “There was no warmth or any physical affection,” she says glumly. She tried cajoling her husband into seeing a marriage counselor, but after only one visit, he refused to return. She didn’t want a divorce because of their 7-year-old daughter, so she posted an ad in one of the adult dating sites online.
“I’m not interested in jeopardizing my marriage or anyone else’s,” she told The Post. “I just wanted to find someone special I could click with.”
Other women interviewed by The Post say they’ve been searching for deeper emotional relationships than their husbands are able to give – but aren’t ready to leave.
“I guess the sex just isn’t what it used to be when we first met,” says Nicole, 28, a married New Yorker.
“I miss the feeling of sex being new and exciting. It’s addicting.”
Addiction is something Chris Samuels, the co-director of a sexual addiction treatment center in Greenwich Village, understands all too well.
She’s treated many married and unmarried patients who’ve gotten caught up in Internet lust.
“Its power is almost trance-inducing,” she says. “You can troll these sites and have a fantasy ready and waiting. Cybersex can provide a quick and powerful high. It’s like crack cocaine to sex addicts.”
Alfred, 49, is a self-described Internet Lothario who says he’s been “swinging” for 23 years.
Before going online, he would post ads in “swinger magazines,” sometimes waiting two to four months to set up a first meeting. Now his desires can be gratified almost instantly by posting ads online.
“While I’m open to a relationship, I’d prefer someone I can meet for no-strings mutual sexual pleasure on a continuing basis,” he says.
Alfred’s new online ads generally attract several interested women (“I’m a seller in a buyer’s market,” he says proudly).
He usually hooks up with married women, but says there are plenty of singles who don’t mind that he’s already spoken for.
Unfortunately, while these spouses are sowing their wild oats, there’s likely to be someone at home who’s getting hurt.
John LaSage, 43, from California, could attest to that – his wife left him and his two teenage daughters to take off with an Internet boyfriend.
The experience led him to create chatcheaters.com – a Web site designed to help dissuade potential cheaters and to comfort those who’ve been hurt by them.
“Chatting is OK, cheating is not,” says LaSage.
“People should realize how quickly relationships can form online. Flirting can lead to real-world affairs.”
If you suspect your spouse of having an online affair, “Bring the issue out into the open,” he says.
“Look out for the warning signs” – like excessive Internet use, new email accounts, turning off the computer when you walk in the room.
“If you just want a sexual hit, you can masturbate a lot quicker than having an affair,” she says.
“But it’s about gratification. They want someone to find them attractive, someone to want them passionately.”
But not every married person who’s gone the online route has found the affair of their dreams.
Wayne, a 49-year-old man from New Jersey, complains that his inbox is usually cluttered with undesirable partners and a fair share of transsexuals and cross-dressers.
But that may be just the ticket for a 34-year-old Lower East Side “Rockerdude” who advertises online that he’s hoping to make sweet music with men, women – and anything in between.
“Yes, I am married, but we have a very liberal, open-minded relationship – so be brave,” he writes.
Technorati Tags: Adultery, Internet dating, adult dating, swinger
The Grief Of An Illicit Love’s Death
January 11th, 2009 by The BabeA 35-year-old married mother of one tells of the guilt and despair that she feels after the death of her married lover
Technorati Tags: lover
What If Clinton Admitted He Loved The Blowjob
December 4th, 2008 by The Babe
What if Clinton had said he loved the now famous blowjobs he received from Monica Lewinsky?
By Karen Cook at The Village Voice
It’s hard not to be furious with Bill Clinton. Not because he fucked—or sucked, or got sucked by, or spurted all over—Monica, or because he cheated on Hillary, or because he lied to the country. The First Adulterer’s real crime is that he didn’t take advantage of his wrecked presidential image by also blowing American sexual hypocrisy to smithereens.
Read his lips: “Yes, I had sex, I enjoyed it, I did exactly what I wanted to do, and you all should be so lucky. You guys wanna impeach me for getting a blowjob? Go right ahead.” If Clinton had dared to say something so nakedly honest, maybe we wouldn’t have had to ask if he was merely asserting his masculinity when he decided to bomb Afghanistan and Sudan. Lies and half-truths can get ugly, especially if you have to send friends, colleagues, and an entire government out to cover up on your behalf.
Integrity, alas, has always been far too revolutionary a concept for politics. Some pols even like to argue that it’s detrimental to effective leadership. Many of Clinton’s signature compromises were built on sexual hypocrisy (just ask Joycelyn Elders or gays in the military). Even after admitting to Gennifer Flowers and dodging Paula Jones, he’s still making a public show of going to church, Hillary in one hand and a Bible in the other.
Clinton bows his head about apparently consensual sex at the same time that a whorehouse is busted in New Jersey and half the businessmen in town are on the premises. When New York cops are getting caught using a brothel. And as ever, politicians are keeping mistresses on the side, or they’re ditching their dying wives, or they’re really gay, but so what? The joy of being a guy is getting to do what a guy gets to do. What’s the point of being Horatio Alger if you can’t reap the rewards?
For men in America, the reward is clearly unbridled sex. Wilt Chamberlain beds 20,000 women. Teddy Kennedy reportedly has intercourse on a table in the secluded room of a posh Washington restaurant. Rock stars gorge on an unending feast of groupies. (Superstar women, by contrast, earn the privilege of bearing children out of wedlock.) The entire capitalist apparatus is set up to sell women as reward: what’s the come-on in the bottom of all those liquor-ad ice cubes? Why do you need some sultry babe to sell a car? Why wouldn’t you want to be like John Kennedy, anyway? Who wouldn’t want to fuck Marilyn Monroe?
Not surprisingly, the media has decided that the drama in the Clinton scandal revolves around women: Hillary’s heartbreak, Monica’s welcoming lips, Tripp’s betrayal, Goldberg’s dirt, Currie on the cross. Indeed, the only time male sex gets called into question is when it somehow fucks up a career. On those rare occasions when the luck of the double standard runs out, the rest of the male establishment snaps to attention. If a guy needs nookie so bad it’s about to cost him his job, something freakish must be going on: it’s for moments like this that terms like sex addict and compulsion were invented. But Clinton’s no sex addict: he’s just another guy who thinks success gives him an inalienable right to whatever he desires.
There is a compulsion that links Clinton to other pols at the center of sexual scandal—not the lascivious behavior, but the childish, self-destructive acting out that starts up when it seems they might really be held responsible for their actions. Back when men were men, it was understood that they could preach monogamy unto death in public and keep a harem in private. Progressive politicians, with their prowoman agenda, pay lip service to a world in which there must be a little more accountability than that. Which is why the guys who behave most bizarrely when they get caught in flagrante delicto tend to be liberals.
First, of course, was candidate Gary Hart, who opened the door on every politician’s bedroom by taunting the media with cries of “Come and get me.” And then there was Senator Bob Packwood, defending the feminist agenda by day and pinning women to his desk by night. Amazingly, Packwood also pulled a Hart. Congress demanded his diaries, and he complied, but kept on writing them, admitting his own lies and cover-up. And, if a recent Drudge Report is to be believed, Clinton fits the same mold: he goes on TV and says he made a mistake, but he allegedly wears Monica’s tie while doing it. As one Drudge source said, that could be construed as Clinton’s “finger to the world.”
But it’s no surprise he’s enraged. In his set, vows are something that can be winked at—unless the little woman is cheating on you. Being suddenly held to the sexual rhetoric that tells Clinton he can only have sex with one woman for the rest of his life must make him want to slit his throat. Hell hath no greater fury than a person whose privileges are suddenly denied. What if you’re a hot young stockbroker and they give you a lousy seat at Le Cirque 2000? What if you’re trying to hail a taxi and they treat you like a black person and won’t pick you up? What if you’re a man who thought that the whole point of power is to get laid and then it turns out you can’t do it anymore? Clinton’s fury was the only authentic emotion in his speech. He’s as angry as every single other Angry White Male we’ve seen over the years.
The president is pissed. Where does Starr get off telling him what to do? How come the most powerful man in the free world can’t get the sexual privilege god gave a jock? Marv Albert’s going back on the air, for god’s sake! Athletes can still get away with raping women! And the president can’t get a blowjob? (Probably the only comparable case of denied privilege in sports is O. J. Simpson’s—like Packwood, he seems to flirt with the idea of confession, and like Clinton, he’s utterly mystified that anything could tarnish his golden glow. But even in this society, murder is going too far. For that, you’ve got to sell the mansion.)
If only Clinton had called a blowjob a blowjob, he might have started an adult conversation about sex, relationships, power, and privilege. He might have helped remake America as a nation that could have real scandals, like Italy or Japan. He could have disrupted the narrative of Hillary as victim and sparked a more intelligent discourse about the possibility of a union in which the bonds may not be primarily sexual. It would be fascinating to hear Hillary discuss such a marriage, except that she too is wedded to fake story lines. She may have replaced the previous months’ incessant hand-holding with an equally suspect distance, but that’s most likely just Bill’s scripted punishment. When she permits his redemption, will the whole country follow suit?
Clinton could have contributed something really useful to the public exchange in that speech of his. But no. And so the same old tired songs play nauseatingly on.
Technorati Tags: blowjobs, Monica Lewinsky, Bill Clinton
A Little Married Flirting
September 30th, 2007 by The BabeCould be you’re happily married but it’s nice to think that your “still got it”.
Key signs your flirt target is interested include smiling, extended eye contact and biting or licking the lip. (theirs, not yours…) Another key signal for both sexes is low-level non-sexual touching such as a brush of the elbow, arm or leg.
Preening or grooming behavior (such as smoothing down clothes, reapplying lipstick, running a hand over the hair) is a clear sign someone is interested. For women, the classic flirting move is the crossing or uncrossing of the legs, while men tend to stand a little broader when they’re flirting and throw their shoulders back.
Flirtation just happens, so let it. People in committed relationships, even in early committed relationships, should not be flirting with others in a way that makes their partner uncomfortable.
If your partner tells you about the flirting or you witness your partner flirting and neither of you flinches, the flirtation is OK. Otherwise it is not and you should be rightly bothered. This is, of course, assuming that you are not overly insecure and that you do not view any interaction your partner has with others as flirting.
Cheaters Advice
August 28th, 2007 by The BabeHowever ever since I came back he’s been calling. It’s usually regarding work. But in between the “work issues”, we engage in back and forth flirting. We’ve met twice since the business trip and the sex is incredible!
I don’t know what he’s thinking or if he plans to escalate the matter. Am I just another notch on his belt? I thought that I could control myself; but lately my mind is preoccupied with him. I’ve never been unfaithful before, but I can’t stop day dreaming about this man. I know I’m in deep, but l don’t know what to do. Help!
YOU ADORABLE HALF WIT: Did you say . . . . . . . “deep?” Oh, you’re in deep alright — deep in a deliciously lusty, electrifying passionate affair where everybody smells divine, wears expensive underwear, and no kids totter into the bedroom and throw-up on your pillow. It’s all sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, with a little high drama thrown in.
The last thing you want to do is escalate. If you escalate, that means you divorce your husband and marry Mr. Incredible Sex. And when you marry Mr. Incredible Sex, you’ll soon be just as bored and irked with him. And when you get bored and irked with him, you’ll go on a business trip and have an affair with a new Mr. Notch-Belt.
Come on. Your affair may be heartfelt, but the guy’s a cheat, a liar, and a scoundrel. You can go on deceiving your husband, which will lead to divorce, which will in turn destroy the happiness of your children and completely ruin your life. . . . Or, you can do the smart thing: Do not see the seedy little bugger again.
Online Flirting Or Cheating Husband?
May 23rd, 2007 by The BabeRecently I was using my husband’s laptop and was able to view his e-mail account. I know I should have respected his privacy. I found out that he sent two electronic Valentine’s Day cards to two ex-girlfriends. The card says he missed their conversations and was thinking about them.
One woman wrote back to my husband instructing him to not contact her again because she is in a serious relationship and does not want to communicate with “single men.”
I am bothered by this revelation because it shows that my husband has not revealed to these women that he is married. When I confronted him, he was angry at me for reading his e-mails. He also insisted that he has done nothing improper. He said that he has not contacted those women in years, and the cards were just to stay in touch with them. He says I am overreacting.
I am pretty sure that my husband is not physically cheating on me. However, I am still very bothered by this. Am I overreacting?
Bothered in Los Angeles
Dear Bothered: This incident could be a gift to your marriage, but only if you use it to deepen your intimate understanding of each other. You can’t do this by avoiding and ignoring. You do it by drilling into the heart of your union and talking about things, even when it’s painful to do so.
Husbands and wives sometimes reach a point in the relationship when they daydream about previous relationships, wondering “what might have been.” The Internet makes it almost too easy to reach out.
After 12 years together, you and your husband have entered the grand and challenging “adolescence” of your relationship. Invite him into counseling with you so that you can explore your feelings and frustrations in a supportive environment.
Singles Guide To Flirting
February 12th, 2007 by The BabeFlirting requires a certain degree of confidence and enthusiasm. Other singles can smell nerves from a mile off, so it is important to build up your confidence and come across as positive if you want to get on to the dating circuit. Don’t be corny, though. When you talk to other singles, just make simple conversation with them. Chat, say hello, talk about work, sport, TV – whatever interests you. Dating is so much easier if you can have a pleasant conversation with your date – and this type of flirting will enable you to find out whether you can.
Also, don’t be afraid to make the first move when flirting. You might be waiting forever if you expect other singles to come over and talk to you. Take control of the situation and be the ‘flirter’ in stead of the ‘flirtee’. You will find that many other singles will like this type of confidence and the straight-forward attitude and you may find that you end up with several singles who are interested in dating you.
You should be careful not to mistake confidence and flirting with arrogance. Make sure that once you have started chatting with other singles, you also listen to what they have to say as well. Nobody will be interested in dating a big-headed person that appears interested only in themselves. Dating and flirting are both fine arts, and singles need to learn to strike the balance to get maximum effect.
Finally, try and express your confidence through what your facial expression as well. Don’t be afraid to smile, wink, and laugh. Let the other singles know that you are enjoying yourself and that you enjoy being a part of the dating scene. This confidence will attract the positive attention of other singles.
Survey: Desperate Housewives Have Regrets About Husbands
January 4th, 2007 by The BabeSo much for happily ever after. A new survey has found a shockingly large number of blissful brides turn into desperate wives.
If given a chance to do things over, more than half of 3,000 married women polled by Woman’s Day magazine and AOL were not sure they would marry their husband again — with more than a third saying they would definitely not pick the same spouse.
In the online survey, which was not scientific, more than three-quarters of women also said they fantasize about a man other than their husband — and 39 percent admitted to constantly flirting.
Three-quarters of the women also admitted keeping secrets from their husbands — like the crushes they have on celebs. On the top of the fantasy list for women who like sexy married stars are actors Will Smith and Ben Affleck. They each received 31 percent of the vote.
Not surprisingly, the survey found that wives are not the only ones whose thoughts and bodies stray to others.
Nearly half the women said they suspected their husbands of cheating or caught them in the act.
Ignorance, the women said, is not bliss — 84 percent said they would “absolutely” want to know if their spouse was being unfaithful.
A lot of women apparently become bored in the bedroom. Nearly a third said they stick to the far side of the marital bed. Another third said they don’t have time for sex with their husbands.
Just 10 percent of married women said they usually don sexy lingerie in bed. More than half prefer a ratty T-shirt or comfortable pajamas, while a third sleep naked.
The biggest rows between married couples are caused by petty disputes, say 51 percent of the women. Money, with 27 percent of the vote, also was high on the list of reasons why husband and wife fight.
The survey also found women spent time thinking about celebrity match-ups.
The most unusual matchup had anchorwoman Katie Couric bedding one of the hottest eligible men in Hollywood, George Clooney.
Nearly half of the women said they wanted the hunk to end up with Couric, while 31 percent thought New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg should pair up with the CBS anchor.
Actress Jennifer Aniston should hook up with Matthew McConaughey, according to 47 percent of those surveyed.
Jessica Simpson belongs with Hollywood hunk Josh Lucas, according to the poll.
And the real-life desperate housewives in the poll felt “Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher should get it on with John Stamos, of Uncle Jesse fame in the TV sitcom “Full House.”
Are You Giving The Right Signals?
February 23rd, 2006 by The BabeGive Clear Signals: Men are notoriously bad at interpreting signals from women. Know what you want when you flirt and make sure your signals are clear and that they convey what you mean. It�s not fair to flirt with someone for the fun of it, unless they are obviously flirty themselves. Flirting for fun is fine when you know someone a little better. If you genuinely want to meet people then, by all means, flirt. However, if that is the case, then you should make sure that you know how to separate the sexual flirting signals from the ‘hi, I’m friendly’ flirting signals. “