DEAR ELLIE: I'm 34, have been happily married for 10 years and have two kids. The problem is that, since my teens, I've been attracted to guys, and I've felt I was bisexual.

I was able to keep those feelings buried until the Internet arrived. I'll spare you the details, but I met a nice guy, 20, who feels the same. He also has a girlfriend. He and I have enjoyed each other's company physically and as friends. We've met monthly for the past nine months.

Since sexual orientation cannot be "fixed," is it worse to continue with this contact in secret or to tell my wife, which would effectively end our marriage?

TORN

DEAR TORN: The immediate "problem" is that you're cheating -- having sex with two people and exposing everyone involved to potential infection. Plus humiliation when all this is discovered.

Though I appreciate it's not easy for a married man to confess bisexuality, it's at least fair, while this secret liaison is not. You have no real choice but to speak up. Tell your wife about your long-held inner conflict; ask her to go to counseling with you to learn more about bisexuality so that she, too, will understand you can't be fixed.

A counselor will help you both decide whether you can work on a future together, or whether you need to make an honest break, in which you both continue to be the best parents possible.

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