Sign of Affair: I Fell Out of Love...
and just love being in love
by
Break Free From the Affair
If there is one
front-and-forward excuse for infidelity it is: " I fell out of love."
This usually means: I no
longer feel sexually attracted to you (I'm sexually attracted to someone
else, for now, at least.) Or, I need to spice my life with giddy emotional
highs and intrigue every so often.
Infidelity has different
faces...and different signs and patterns.
Did you know there are 7
different kinds of affairs? Well, there may be more, but after a couple
decades of clinical work and research, I've identified 7.
And, if you look carefully,
you will find that each form of infidelity carries different signs and
markers. Know those specific signs of infidelity and you can save yourself
much grief.
One kind of affair I write
about in my E-book is called, "I Fell out of Love...and just love being in
love."
Here are some signs and
patterns you can expect in this kind of affair:
1. Hang on to your seat. This
may be some ride, much like a thrill ride at Sandusky. There will likely
be many ups and downs, spiced with dramatic flair. Watching your spouse go
through his gyrations may leave you somewhat dizzy. He will give his all
to this new-found "love" and at other times might find his way back to
you.
2. Typically you will
struggle with being ignored and feeling rather awful that you can't
provide the "love" this other person seems to provide. You might find
yourself questioning your capacity to "love" and your desirability. His
affections will obviously be centered on that other person.
3. He may want to tell you
about this other person. Not only might he want you to know about the
other person he may desire to share with you some of the details of this
relationship. He might want you involved. This creates an intense triangle
that juices the drama. (Most classical love stories are dramas, complete
with a triangle; he "falls in love" with the forbidden or unattainable
princess. Often the drama ends as a tragedy - Romeo and Juliet.)
4. Expect some juvenile
behavior such as love letters (e-mail), special names, special promises,
secrets only for the two of them, etc. Some of these affair relationships
are the result of unfinished business from adolescence. Perhaps he was
responsible for family or beset by some trauma or internally or externally
imposed injunctions that precluded him from dating, socializing with the
opposite sex, and "falling in and out of love" a number of times, which is
so important and vital for adolescent development.
5. You may hear the
persistent phrase, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." He may
truly "like you" and depend on your stability, goodness and understanding.
The thought of losing that may keep him connected with you. His fear of
losing that which is stable and enduring may conflict with his need to
follow his feelings. As well, the possibility of loss may point to the
internal emptiness that stirs up very uncomfortable feelings and thoughts.
This is part of the roller coaster ride.
6. He may feel very badly
about his "inability" to love you and his "inability" not to love the
other person. He may express great remorse for the dilemma. He may profess
deep sadness for "hurting" you - but, as you know, he has no control. His
feelings drive him. His "concern" for you indicates his superficial
understanding of relationships. Or, his "concern" for you may be a
manipulative attempt to find an easier exit from the marriage.
7. Expect his feelings for
the other person to fade. They will fade quickly if this is a pure "I've
fallen out of love (and just love being in love)" affair. The "romance" of
adolescent love affairs start quickly and end as abruptly. If, however,
other issues come into play, such as, resentment and/or the inability to
say no, you have a more complicated situation that takes longer to
resolve. |
