As Oprah recently pointed on an episode focusing on the private lives of couples in the suburbs of America, the meaning of marriage is changing. Gone are the days when one has to be married for financial support or for respect in the society. Except for rural America and some conservatives, most Americans are intelligent enough not to judge a person by her/his marital status (how can they with 50% divorce rate). Or in other words, marriage as a meaningful institution is on its slow demise which will be expedited with efforts by some to ban marriages by people who actually genuinely want to get married (i.e. gays).
So why are some people still married? Reasons vary, but in my opinion, many couples are simply stuck. The way some people hate their jobs, bitch about it every day, and still do nothing, the same is true for marriages of many couples. Let us take a look at a case cited by Mari, "What I can't figure out is how does one know when it is time to leave. I have a good friend that has not slept with his wife for seven years. They don't speak to each other or argue. He has his own set of friends and she has hers. He wants to leave and he says he feels sorry for her. She, on the other hand, won't do anything in the house. Just stays on the phone with a relative on the east coast. She just keeps getting fatter and they hate each other, but pretend that they don't. I have said all the things in the article, and told him to be nice. Try to do things that he knows she will like and make her feel better about herself. So when is it time to just say this isn't working. We have one life and it is short. I don't even feel good about encouraging him to stay anymore."
When is a good time to breakup?
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When you no longer feel physically or emotionally (or both) attracted to your partner
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When you feel that being with your partner is painful
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When love is one-sided
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When you stop talking about your future together
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When you find that your partner no longer understands you or your needs
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When you realize that you need to find elsewhere what you should find from your partner (e.g. physical intimacy)
Now I am not suggesting that we should end our relationship as soon as we can. On the contrary, we should do our best to make it work, and if possible, get help from a professional marriage counselor. In my opinion, the #1 thing that is difficult to find in America is a good relationship; so do what you can to have one.