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How to Commit Adultry
Article from Gorskys.com
Some people find it
easy to commit adultery. Their attitude and circumstances mean that, when
an offer comes along, they are ready to accept.
If you're single, however, committing adultery is a problem. Who are
you cheating on?
I like to delude myself that I have a girl friend. I pretend I am in a
long-term relationship with the girl at the pub who sells me beer and
hamburgers each Friday. When I talk to other women, I get the delicious
thrill of the affair, without the attendant complication of guilt.
Sadly, it hasn't been effective yet. But it has taught me a number of
valuable lessons in how one should commit adultery.
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Find yourself another person to commit adultery with. Although your
partner will still probably leave you, sex with an inflatable doll is
not technically adultery.
-
Adultery is best committed when away from home on a business trip;
the annual family holiday to Nanna’s is not a good time.
-
It's OK for you to commit adultery with a person of your gender. You
can tell your partner "I'm looking for something you haven’t got," and
not be insulting.
-
If you are 'caught in the act', it might be worth asking your
partner to join in, but probably isn't.
-
Although the Bible says "Thou shalt not commit adultery", it also
says you shouldn’t covet your neighbours ox. The Bible therefore
obviously only applies to farmers, and can safely be ignored by
city-dwellers.
-
It's a good idea not to have an affair with priests and nuns.
Technically, these people are married to God. You don't want God
slashing your tyres for eternity, even if you do live in a city.
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Affairs in hotels are sexy; affairs in the back seats of Corollas
are not.
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It is not a good idea to keep the condoms as a souvenir.
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Despite what Bill Clinton might say, oral sex counts.
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Conduct your affair using code words only the both of you
understand. "The deal's going pear-shaped. We'd better have a crisis
meeting; you bring the stationery" is a good code; "I’ll meet you at my
house in half an hour. Buy condoms" is not.
Your Adultery Tips
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A usefull tip. If your woman gets you a pager, politely decline...
if she gets you a cell phone, RUN!
Nathan Randall
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If you know your partner has committed adultery but you didn't want
to leave her at the time because you didn't want to be on your own,
chances are further on down the track somebody else will come along and
save you from yourself. You can then do the whole thing. Commit adultery
yourself and pay back your adulterous floozy of a partner, you can dump
her and say how terribly her adulterous ways had affected you and
explain that although it was quite a few years ago,you've only just had
time to think about the extent of the pain the adulterous behaviour had
inflicted on you. You can commit adultery as well as blame somebody else
for your behaviour. WIN WIN I say.
Debbie Thomas
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If you get caught, I always use the line "But honey, I was thinking
of you at the time." They love that...
Tommohawk
-
Use your business to book a few hours with an Escort. Ask for a tax
receipt and claim the expense as a consultancy fee.
Shady
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If you are going to do it in a car use a 1956 Cheverolet - the front
seat makes a great work bench! If you want use a motel- buy an MG you
can there quicker!
Brian Thornton
-
Get someone to hypnotise you to help you improve yourself... You
will find yourself shedding 250 pounds of useless fat (called Mark, who
is a twat, and a sad mummy's boy anyway), lessening the need for an
adulterous fling. But being with Mark The Twat (1987-To present
day-reigning champion of all Twats) has put you off lager stained pricks
for life and you are now happily shacked up with his sister, Mary. Cool.
Now you dont have to fake your orgasms.
Joy
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Tennis players are exempt from being true "adulters"...after all,
love means nothing to them anyway.
Bryan Baker
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Simply start to act as though you have a multiple personality
disorder. Not only will your other half become more caring towards you,
but you can also blame one of your alter-egos if you ever get caught.
Paul
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Divorce your wife, marry someone you hate, then have sex with your
ex, that way you can both feel naughty.
Duncan Fairhurst
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If you get caught, inform your partner that you were interviewing
possible candidates for that threesome you talked about.
Matt Capon
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Don't sell tickets to the event
Penis McHotlove
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It's only considered adultery if you do it in the same postcode. Do
it in the next postcode over from you and you're OK.
Demosthien
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Sleep with the Chief of Police's wife or daughter. At least when you
go to jail the inmates will respect you so much, you may NOT have to
commit "forced adultery" with a big hairy guy named Bubba.
scott quick
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If you dont want to see them again, say "I love you, I want to spend
the rest of my life with you, every day and night will be like
paradise!" This will get rid of them quick smart.
toni blackwell
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If caught out, you can't go past the excuse "I could never
disrespect you enough to do the filthy stuff I did to her."
Tris
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