Seven Signs
You Should
Run From Your Partner
By Rinatta Paries
The
relationship questions asked most frequently are all basically the same.
First people will explain certain undesirable behaviors their partners are
displaying. Then they'll ask whether they should tolerate these behaviors
or whether they are making too big an issue of them.
There
are, in fact, certain behaviors that should not be tolerated because they
damage and will eventually destroy the relationship.
If
you are in a brand-new relationship and your partner exhibits one or some
of the behaviors below, you may want to consider walking away. If you
stay, you may be getting much more trouble, headache and heartache then
you bargained for.
If
you are in a committed relationship and are invested in staying, or if you
are planning to get engaged or married soon and some of these behaviors
show up, try to work through them. Since you have already invested time,
effort and your heart into the relationship, the relationship may be
strong enough to withstand the necessary change. But hold off on making a
deeper commitment to each other until the issues are resolved. Commitment
and marriage tend to make issues worse rather than better.
Finally,
if you are married, you probably want to do everything possible to save
your marriage. If the two of you are dealing with any of the issues below,
the most effective way of overcoming them is with outside expert help.
1.
Excessive Flirtation
People in committed relationships, even in early committed relationships,
should not be flirting with others in a way that makes their partner
uncomfortable.
Here
is the measuring stick: If your partner tells you about the flirting or
you witness your partner flirting and neither of you flinches, the
flirtation is OK. Otherwise it is not and you should be rightly bothered.
This is, of course, assuming that you are not overly insecure and that you
do not view any interaction your partner has with others as flirting.
2.
Man/Woman Watching
Some discreet man/woman watching may occasionally be OK. But when it is
blatant and intrusive, it becomes a relationship problem. You are not too
sensitive if this bothers you. You should not have to learn to get over
this and you should not have to learn to tolerate this behavior.
3.
Infidelity
Unless you have a workable open-marriage agreement with your partner, you
absolutely should not tolerate infidelity. There is simply no excuse for
it. Alcohol, loneliness, anger, etc., are not good reasons to get involved
with other people when you are in a relationship.
4.
Another Relationship
OK, I know people get involved with those who are already in another
relationship with the hope that they will "win" and the other
relationship will end. But in reality this seldom happens. If you are
involved in this kind of a relationship, perhaps it's time to give your
partner an ultimatum. Set a drop-the-relationship-date by which your
partner will willingly release the other relationship or you.
5.
Romantic Contact From Other People
Why would someone in a relationship be getting phone calls, mail or e-mail
of a romantic nature from other people? And why would the other person in
the relationship tolerate this?
I
think often it is because the partner somehow does not place
responsibility for what's happening where it belongs -- squarely on the
shoulders of the person who is receiving the communication.
If
communication is ongoing, it is not accidental or victimization; it is
invited and your partner is getting something out of it. To avoid a surge
of feedback from those of you who may disagree with this point, let me say
that there are now many easy ways to block unwanted communication, both on
regular phones, cell phones and e-mail.
You
are not too sensitive to feel threatened and to wonder if you are about to
lose the relationship or be cheated on. Both may happen next.
6.
Frequent Reactive or Angry Behaviors
Almost everyone has a frustrated moment, day or even a week. Life can get
very hectic and stressful at times. But, if your partner is reactive or
angry most of the time, for an extended period of time, this may just be
the way he or she is.
If
the two of you have repeatedly tried to problem-solve and yet nothing
seems to cool the reactiveness and anger, you may want to ask yourself if
you want this on ongoing basis.
7.
'It's All Your Fault'
Every relationship has issues or problems that need to be discussed. For
some this happens sooner rather than later. But make no mistake -- this
happens in every relationship. In fact, problems are an inherent part of
being in a relationship.
However,
if your partner categorically refuses to acknowledge and deal with his or
her contribution to the problem and instead says in one way or another
that it's all your fault, you have a serious problem on your hands. How
will you move on and build a deeper relationship if your current problems
cannot be resolved?
You
are not pushy to ask your partner to deal with what needs to be dealt
with. You have every right to ask for an active partner in a relationship.
This
article courtesy of "Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach
you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy
partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com
where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine.
Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
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